TO-DO LIST

Well, it's been quite some time since I've posted. Not out of lack of misery, but out of lack of energy to relive it. I figure I'll ease into the blogger's life with a list. You see, I am a nanny. Which is, in itself, great. Sort of like having fake kids you get to leave every day between four and five pm and see again in the morning at seven am. But sometimes, this nanny thing I'm in turns into an exercise in humiliation. And cheap labor. Before certain confrotational talks took place, I had somehow evolved into nanny-housekeeper-errand-runner-cook.

Here is a list of tasks I received during the first month of nannyship:

-- clean the fish tanks (yes, tankS)

-- buy three containers of Greek Yogurt (typically on the list once a week)

-- vacuum and steam the floors

-- clean, peel, dice potatoes; chop onions; put in pot on stove

-- find "reasonable but classy cookies - maybe the Italian ones at the Market, or...?"

-- teach the five-year-old how to tell time (I taught her jazz hands, we're still working on time)

-- teach the two-year-old how to put his toys away (I taught him to say "Cowabunga!")

-- scrub showers (this words must be typed and read: pubic hairs)

-- windex windows of fingerprints

-- reorganize Madi's hair supply drawer (I did this)

-- tidy up Madi's pajama bins (I didn't do this)

-- do the laundry (they wear things once, then throw them in the laundry bin)

-- mail this box of severed body parts ("for his spook box!) to Grandpa in California

But I manned up and grew a pair and drew the line. Now I have time to take the kids to the beach and snuggle on the couch and speak to them in accents. There are still moments of misery. Like Aiden peeing on my sweater. Like Madi screaming that she will blow up my head and run over me and ohimakehersoangry and shehatesme! Like getting Madi to do math homework. But the misery comes along with dimples and introducing a new generation to LCD Soundsystem and The Beatles and Arcade Fire and The B-52s.

(I can never remember the font we're using on this crazy thing called blog. Someone make sure this follows protocol for me, will you?)